observing the observer observing the observed ...

... observing. obviously. or obliviously. which sounds intentionally obfuscatory and absurd, right? so maybe it's more like absurding the absurder absurding the absurd.

oh, yikes, after that,1 you still stayed to further dissect or exhume a random, narcissistic, blathering,2 cringy auto-bio on the internet? okay, your choice. you were warned. LOL.

my life's thesis question, from about age 12 was, "how do we achieve an objective understanding of subjective experience?" even sitting in a 7th grade physics lab, it was obvious that my "scientific observations" were subjective. strings. rulers. springs. toy cars sliding across a table top. lumps of playdough dropped from the ceiling and timed with a stopwatch. hilarious. fun. we then compared our individual subjective observations to the reported subjective observations of others. i didn't have that precise language at age 12, but walking home from school, observing the leaves on the trees at O'Neil Park dancing in the flowing arcs and paths of the algebraic and calculus graphs i'd been shown, it was clear that mathematics and physics were the languages of the material motion of things.

later that same summer, i found a dead bird in the attic of the house and realized, "oh, that's going to happen to me." so, returning to the 7th grade playground pronouncing, "you know, however long this life seems to us, even if we live to 80, and no matter what we do, it'll all seem to have flashed by in the blink of an eye." blank stares. fear. disbelief. mistrust. aggression. pretty much the same response from most humans, ever since.

alas, spending a decade in one's teens and 20's self-medicating with alcohol, weed, and LSD didn't seem to ease the pain of knowing that one just doesn't fit in, and so forgetfulness can set in, a modicum (or mayhem) of conformity-based-approval-seeking can follow, and hence this brief abstract of fortunate and unfortunate events.

wait. stop. try not to label "good or bad" like that. stuff happened and will continue to happen, according to conditions. but wait, labels help to clarify, assess, process, and understand, right? so nevermind. how can we be both fully accountable and shameless-blameless for our lives at the same time? we can't. shame a blame must be engaged. digested. it's the only way. the only way "it all evens out in the end," is to even it out in the now; to quit future faking ourselves and others that tomorrow is somehow promised. that we somehow have a sure plan, if everyone would only conform to our wishes.

to stop accepting that justice is only for others, at our expense, so we must shut up and obey because our day will be later, or the accusation that we "already had our day" and we somehow didn't deserve it, so now we must pay. because some self-appointed imperious we, ornately adorned with "coexist" bumper stickers and "be kind" t-shirts declares that YOU are voted off the island. why? because we don't like you exposing our ugliness and hypocrisy to ourselves. how dare you. maybe all of the above is as false as some fairytale afterlife in which "it all evens out." regardless, these are some of the distorted dialogs that we find populating the nascent collective global brain, today. ancient, angry, brutish stuff, to be sure.

is it really possible to end it, let alone directly and immediately?

seems like we can do better, if we want to. we each choose this day whom and what values we will serve.

also seems like inescapable eternity is in this very moment, every moment, by definition. in that case, there's no past or future in terms of doing the right thing and being the most ethical version of ourselves, today. no lying. no deceiving. no coercing. no social engineering for fun, greed, or psychopathic pleasure. as the song goes, "it's so simple and so complicated at the verrrrrrrrrry same time."

am i different from what i observe?J. Krishnamurti
therefore i speak to them in parables: because seeing, they do not see not; and hearing, they do not hear; neither do they understand. J. Nazarene

Format of this page is YEAR: some stuff that happened. according to who, right? 3

02024-02025: (foresight, 15Sep02023): end of the first quarter of the century, where AI more-or-less awakened, in a rudimetary way that revealed just how easy it is for humans to believe that machines are intelligent, based on super impressive brute-force computing at scale. so now what, new generations of fellow grandiose optimistic futurists? maybe it's better to finally focus on universal childhood safety and welfare , and the end of all forms of human exploitation; physical, emotional, psychological, social, and the technological amplification of all of them. maybe begin acknowledging the lack of informed consent in contexts of vastly adverse and inequitable abilities to even become informed, much less, consent. open all university archival history of all human subject experimentation. all of it. forget about aliens for a minute, what have we done to one another in the name of reverse-engineering our own direct experience? nevermind punitive measures for those who were playing a supersized white lab-coated version of the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment, it's not about retribution, it's about understanding; so that maybe we can help catalyze some deeper, more significant, and enduring individual and collective healing to begin. to such ends, it's simply not enough to recount a few well-known cases as some kind of evidence that "science has got a handle on this, now." no, really, we're being good this time. really. trust us. look, humans greatly benefit from scientific knowledge and capabilities; yet, especially in seasons of crisis, it seems that we may simply need impeccable honesty, integrity, mortifying transparency, and gentleness, more.

what even is healing, wholeness, understanding, and wellness when just about any surgeon or astronaut who has spent more than a few years in either of thos roles and environments, attests to incontestable experiences that equate to the miraculous? aloof flippant dismissive devaluing mocking answers only. (LOL).

if this body fails to persist-on-planet to the date of this forecast, or if i'm unable to update this again (LOL), reader's will at least know that i would have reached 65 years experience on the planet, being told i'm often and generally far too "far-fetched" and "imagining things" in the form of a long history biopsychosociotechnological interpolations of the current scatter-plot of human happenings and tendencies, only to have seen a non-trivial proportion of those interpolations validated with a little passing of time, something of great irritation especially to those closest to me who bore witness . i get the grandiose tone. i get it. and data is data. this isn't anything special. it's very basic. very human. it's called intuition. insight. you have it. you know you have it. believe and trust that. just because you can't pull intuition or insight out of your backpack and show it off doesn't mean they doesn't exist. as was the case with observations of all the hate directed at those humans throughout history who expressed inconvenient insights in their time — the same is likely to happen to you, truth-seeking futurist, short of emergency interventions in the lowest rungs of human nature. then, as now, the sufferers suffer from conditions such as conveniently shameless amnesia; so they are able to do all manner of harm with complete intentially amnesiac impugnity. above all, such sufferers desire that you too suffer, that your optimism be crushed, hopes annhilated, and will demoralized. if they can't get you to self-destruct, they will self-destruct into drug-hazed and money-crazed excesses and excuses and blame you for their self-destruction. remember, the truth of a corrupt community or society is not the community or society, it's the truth-revealer's fault for pointing out the dysfunctions. tale as old as time, like the Emperor's New Clothes, played out a trillion-trillion-trillion idiotic times by a different trillion idiots and handful of truth-seers and speakers. it was what it was. is what it is. que será, será, as it ever will be, worlds without end. sounds morose? it's only so you can know this: despite the odds, if you so choose, YOU CAN and WILL be among the ones to change all of this for the better. nothing heroic, particularly, just your light nature shining in all that darkness.

02022-02023: the end of the world as we knew it. also, back to the beginning of the complete unknown, apparently. today, all that stuff about consciousness that seemed obvious to the Desert Rat and for which he was labeled crazy, is becoming more and more scientifically verifiable/falsifiable. see mathematics of conscious realism. oh, but what's really going to bake your noodle later on is how tiny islands can and do effectively operate as cults that effectively destroy all stable long-term pair-bonded relationships in the name of unbounded "freedom" from that level of emotional and psychological sobriety, trust, loyalty, and stability. do not believe the writer. just the facts, ma'am. go observe and conduct the longitudinal studies for yourself.

02021-02022: encouraged to find this supremely pragmatic and down-to-earth fellow explorer echo his own unique articulation of a shared lifelong inquiry toward an objective understanding of subjective experience. That was fun, although still probably nothing.

02020-02021: ftp, only hindsight has any chance of reviewing what happened here with some sense of independent perspective gained with the passage of linear time.

June 02021: an unexpectedly emotional tribute to professor John McCarthy and all the engineers who made the dream real at Waymo. My pitch to the company: "Yaymo with Waymo!" wasn't too well received, LOL. Need to make the experience much lighter and less intimidating. Many people are still sincerely kind of freaked out by AVs. The Post-Automation Era scares many people and I believe it is our duty to validate that, not dismiss it; address and alleviate suffering, responsibly and compassionately.

02018-02019: played around creating Library of Congress compliant pen name and qualified independent publishing label mostly while backpacking Hawaiʻi nei. Finally wrote and published The Book(with obligatory free and open access version [which seems to have sadly expired? will look into it]). First draft mostly written with voice to text on a solar-powered Pixel 2XL between camp sites. Used Hawaiian pen name because of the literal physical damage incurred by haters of this idea in my hyper-conservative extended family circles. So also 1960-1975, below; except maybe more like psychological and social engineering edition. This book's thesis is after all, the essential reason MLK was assassinated. It was fine when we were pitting the people against each other by race and creed, but uniting them for economic integrity? That was a bridge too far on April 4, 1968, at the Lorraine Hotel, which I've since been insanely privileged to visit. Oh, and I also was so dumbfounded and in an otherworldly feeling state that I neither sat down nor kneeled as I ought to have, where he did, while visiting this cell where Letter from Birmingham City Jail was penned.

02017-02018: it appears timbl and others have had enough, as solid was born. I'm at silverton.inrupt.net, for now, and may migrate this domain to solid, for fun.

02012-02017: the great downsizing at full-time RV academy at TurtleTrekkin.com.

2010-2011: the indiewebs, as digital commons transition; perhaps our best and maybe only hope for a marginally compassionate global cognition and living space on our frail, Pale Blue Dot, as some weird Global Brain Id appears to have hijacked our emergent (originally free, open, public) collaborative cognition space.

02002-02012: Enjoyed a season of incredible privilege, doing my unwitting best to put privilege to work for the benefit of others. Details later.

01992-02002: Becoming "that other guy" as Kevin Smith puts it. Did it. Got the fiber-optic street cred, t-shirts, stickers, and experiences. In retrospect, maybe easy to mock and dismiss, for some; rolling of the eyes at over-achievement as the height of childhood trauma-driven over-compensation. Bonus points for scaling up to "collective absencing in a dysfunctional post-automation era society. Nobody wants to hear the painful experiences of those who appear so privileged. We are obscenely privileged in some ways, and in others, not so much. Kevin explains the process pretty well.

01981-01991: Army National Guard. Three years active, three reserve. OR Tech then Mech Infantry platoon leader. Still lost in the part. Trying to "become" something or somebody. For who? For what? We'll find out in the next episode.

01975-01981: Desert Rat Dayz . Phoenix. White Punks on Dope. Not particularly proud of that. Very proud of construction jobs and working in the sandia fields of South Phoenix pueblo. Was what it was. Didn't realize I could have learned Spanish right there and then. Lost in the part. More later.

01959-01975: Gestation. Birth. School. Work. Death. In our first episode, the kid gets nothing less than straight A's, ever. Teacher's pet. Boy Scout. Smart. Confused. Clueless. Not quite Angela's Ashes, but my own insignificant personal vers. Didn't know how much the regular beatings with belts, coat hangers, shoes, sandles, wooden spoons, whatever wasn't bolted down at home would kinda define the rest of the movie.










1. Doesn't apply to most readers, although apparently all internet content is also provided as a convenience for osint kiddies, stalkers, creeps, exes and their flying monkeys who are too afraid to live their own lives, so instead choose to live to critique or undermine someone else's life. If you're here reading for any of those nasty reasons and feel triggered by any of that, because it's true, then once again: whelp. Of course, your anger can only ever be my fault for observing and identifying such horrible behaviors, therefore further justifying your innermost hateful contortions and projections, right? Don't worry, if the shoe or glove doesn't fit, you're acquitted. See also, DARVO, a currency no longer accepted here, and have a great day! ↑ keep reading

2. Hilariously, those who quite intentionally stole stacks of my narcissistic journals (which the video to which this footnote refers describes in high definition detail) fulfilled the role of those very future scholars, much sooner rather than later.🤣 Then, after stealing my personal effects, to lecture me about boundaries, when I'm the one who left myself open to social engineering abuses of asymmetric status privileges, by lack of enforcing my own boundaries. Case in point. LOL. So thanks for that. Such actions empirically validate most of the criticisms that Sam makes in the video. What I expected to happen, happened, through those actions of theft, and yet institional status narcissism (I have a company badge, so I'm a vastly more valid human being) blinds many to how such actions powerfully validate what those to whom this is directed now want to arrogantly individualize and pathologize. Primarily, this expected, predictably irrational scientific behavior helps bolster scientific personas while ignoring the prevalence of the extent to which collective trauma is exponentially increased by such behaviors. This is largely due to the ways in which status-quo and profit-driven scientific inquiry function as a practice of covert command and control, at least as much (and all too often more than) in service of the Hippocratic Oath and healing. ROTFLMAO. In short, it's pots calling kettles black, a white lab-coated version of the Stanford Prisoner's experiment, grotesquely justified by skewed virtue of scale; a long history of abuses of powers in human subjects research that needs to come to an end in this generation. Put away the tinfoil hats and accusations thereof and do your homework if you're so industrious and impartial. If you honestly believe that new protocols that covered up the lapses in previous protocols brought all such practices to an end solved the problem of horrible humans treating weaker humans as walking test tubes and peitre dishes, welp, you're certainly entitled to that opinion. Hopefully, what comes next in the evolution of Open Science will begin to put an end to the institutional dehumanization and otherization of human subects in the name of positioning oneself above ethics and morals in the name of "research." As Sam suggests, the future will bear this all out, as so many other observations recorded throughout this documentarian's history have born themselves out. Not because of any geniune importance of the documentarian's existence, but because it is what it is. Stay tuned, kids. Things are bound to only become more fun from here, right? ↑ keep reading

3. For benefit of those who skipped footnote 1. Still doesn't apply to most readers, although apparently all internet content is also provided as a convenience for osint kiddies, stalkers, creeps, exes and their flying monkeys who are too afraid to live their own lives, so instead choose to live to critique or undermine someone else's life. If you're here reading for any of those nasty reasons and feel triggered by any of that, because it's true, then once again: whelp. Of course, your anger can only ever be my fault for observing and identifying such horrible behaviors, therefore further justifying your innermost hateful contortions and projections, right? Don't worry, if the shoe or glove doesn't fit, you're acquitted. See also, DARVO, a currency no longer accepted here, and have a great day!
↑ keep reading